Part of this amazing journey that I’ve been taking over the last year has been focusing more on not only my mental health, but my physical health as well. You would be surprised (or maybe you would not because you are much more ‘with it’ than I am) but when you are struggling day to day with your mental health, keeping up with your physical health is not something that is easy to do. Heck, keeping up with your physical health is not something that is ever easy to do! I have been overweight most of my life. Even when I was a child, I would use food as a coping mechanism to get through all the crazy thoughts and feelings I was experiencing. While I do not blame anyone for my obsession with donuts and pizza, I am doing my best to teach my kiddos while they are young to use other things to cope when life gets hard. When you have a child that has a propensity to use something destructive to overcome difficulties, you must pay special attention to their moments of overwhelm and steer them towards something better. My youngest is me but in a smaller package. He may look like his father but everything inside of him is me. The way he thinks about everything more than any six-year-old ever should, his propensity to become explosive when the world does not tick exactly the way he expected it to, and yes, his desire to go get himself a donut when life takes a negative turn for the worst. Admittedly, I have caught myself allowing him to do just that, because that is what I did as well. This day not what you expected son? Let us go fill ourselves with some good food and we will feel better. This has caused me to really examine these habits in myself. Trying to cope and fill the void with food. The fact of the matter is, you don’t feel much better at all eating your feelings. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes there is cause to celebrate and food is a great way to do that, or even on a rough day you just feel like treating yourself, that is okay too. I am speaking more directly here to those of us, like me and my son, who tend to turn to food all the time for everything. We have an addition to food; we eat on an emotional level all the time. It has taken me a long time to realize this, but I actually have had to reteach my brain and my body that food is fuel, and that is all. It frustrates me to no end that our world does not address this problem the way that it does with other addictions. We recognize when a friend is in trouble with alcohol, and we do everything we can to help them. We send them off to rehab and make sure that when we have a party there is no alcohol present. But if we have a friend who seems to eat more than they should and has become unhealthy, we still offer them a slice of cake at the family get together. Again, please don’t come at me and say that all bodies are beautiful, and that people should live their lives and be free to be who they want to be and not be judged. I don’t fully disagree with that. If you are truly healthy and living your best life, please do so in whatever way you want. I, however, was not living my best life at over 300 pounds. I, in fact, was miserable. I could not play with my kids or go for a hike with my family without having to catch my breath every 30 seconds. I didn’t fit on an airplane without an extra seatbelt extender. I could not go on rides at amusement parks or participate in other various activities that I wanted to. My weight did not feel like something that gave me freedom to be who I wanted to be, but rather a hindrance to living my life. So, if that feels like you this post is for you. Do not think for a second that if you decide to try to get your weight to a better place that you are denying yourself the satisfaction to be the happier, chubbier version of you. Because if you truly aren’t happy then that does not apply anyway, does it? Food is an addiction. Some people don’t want to say that or admit that, but I am here to tell you it is. It is a fight that I have fought my entire life. Only addressing my mental wellbeing and moving forward with healing has allowed me to examine the truth of my relationship with food and deal with it accordingly. When your mind is right, and you are in a place you feel equipped to do so, free yourself from the burden of the extra weight you carry. Challenge yourself to not eat your feelings but face them head on. It is painful and difficult but so rewarding! I am not at the end of my journey by any means, but I have managed to lose over 100lbs by being honest with myself and realizing I needed to see my addiction for what it was. Break yourself free by shedding the people and habits that no longer serve you in becoming the person you want to be!
Blessings friends,
Rayne
Thoughts from Rayne 